If i were a secret agent

If i were a secret agent, i would be doing these,

1. Wouldn't risk having meals at restaurants, in fear of enemy spies poisoning my food.
2. Go out at mysterious times in the night to have secret meetings with agent Q, X and Y from Headquarters and execute secret missions.
3. Always prefer going out alone, since going along with friends will endanger their lives to enemy's sniper shoots or even take them to the risk of being kidnapped to threaten me from aborting my missions. Family and friends are big liabilities in this occupation!
4. Know to pilot high power jets and planes. Slow moving vehicles like bicycles are not useful in this field.
5. Always carry a big baggage with bomb diffusion kit and some refill ammo to be ready for any possible encounters.
6. Would be proficient in weight lifting and judo, hence be strong enough to shift a 300 pounds mahogany table by self.
7. Have a very small social network and be discreet in revealing the identity.
8. Though actually multi-lingual, claim to know only one or two languages. It helps to retrieve unintended information from enemies.
9. Write public posts with secret information encoded in them.
10. Old habits die hard. Years of secret military office training is much visible, by the general like to be formally attired.
11. Wear shoes, not sandal for missions. Shoes have secret poisoned knifes that plunge open on a judo leg kick, rendering a silent quick death to the enemy.
12. Never for long, work at one place or stay at one place. Being on the move is the best tactic to always be under-cover.
13. Often be spotted talking to oneself. Actually, having a meeting with secret agent Q about next mission while speaking through the tiny ear piece transceiver.
14. Be proficient in the 'claimed-to-be' native tongue to the level of conversing convincingly good enough, but have bad grammatical mistakes while writing in them. 
15. Always be concise in what i say and avoid speaking much. Being liberal at words might lead to Nation's information being outed. Information is power.
16. Always look up at the sky, to make sure no alien intrusion is impending. Being an MIB, caution and alertness are necessities. Oh shoot! (wears the Ray Ban and takes out the Neuralizer. '''''Flash''''' ) You didn't read this line. Slap the person near you for stealing your bread sandwich.

P.S.: I'm having serious second thoughts about my career...

Nonsensical idiosyncrasies of the world (uh, maybe mine)

So, here we are, with the one and only aim to analyze the odd and unreasonable ways of world (yup, the simple worded title). Jumping right into it, have you ever been attacked by the forceful clasping act of others - The Hug! I don't understand why would anyone want to be hugged or worse - why would anyone want to hug another person?? I mean, bears hug! even when they fight!! But we are humans. It's quite common to see in movies, for a heroine to ascend up to heaven when hero touches her. That's bullshit! Genuinely, her hair would stand out like the cat's in the picture. Simply put, i would say "ban hugging!" and live happily ever after in the quiet, well secluded personal space, equipped with a sharp spear to plunge through anyone who comes nearer than a meter's distance.

 

Then, the world's second most important thing to change would be swearing. The 2 most common profanities in the place i currently reside are f*** & a******. My concern is they are not hurting, rather just plainly disgusting. Why do people forget the wonderful, elegant, wholesome and rich words like maniac, wacko, iDiot (note the stress in D), leech, whimper-er, repellant, glutton, sadist, loser! No no, i'm not cursing you. I mean, words like leech or glutton could make a person writhe in pain in and out! (sigh).. Hopefully, someday the world would be at par with me. 

Though there is a book full of things i would want to be changed or implemented in this world, i would just say one more and publish the rest in my book. We all like to walk and talk with people who walk along with us, which is quite normal. If we happen to walk alone, why shouldn't we talk? We have a lot of things going on in our mind. Wording them out, is just another way of expressing our thoughts. This is what i call self-talking, talking to oneself. It's not crazy, it's completely reasonable and understandable. In fact, if there is a crisis situation which you have to discuss and analyze, while there is no one to talk to - you can simply put a meeting with you, you and maybe also you. See! a three person meeting is arranged with no resources wasted. I'll tell you another instance. You want to make fun of somebody, but it is offensive to ridicule that person in front of another person. So you ridicule the person talking just to you and have a laugh riot hearing it for yourself. No one is hurt, you had a fun time and you would laugh in your head the next time you come across that person. Win -win! Hence, i suggest just like how talking over the mobile phone is accepted, talking to oneself aloud also should be accepted, embraced and appreciated!