It's quite social.

It is odd to think of how one is expected to live in this society. An aberrant to the norms shall not be digested, free thinkers shall be judged and there is to be only a single line that starts from a point. Such is our society that is always geared up and ready to plunge at judging an action that which is not understandable to the simple minds. I understand what you think of too -that if a person really is a free thinker, he/she need not bother about these judgments and choose to disregard them. I second that too. But, the real and practical scenario is that, there exists a constant lurking fear in every person, that there will be some occasions that might need the acceptance and nods from this society. To enlist some of such scenarios - marriage, a business venture, retirement from a profession.

The one that has been bothering me in my current stage of life is "marriage". To discuss this matter, while being the fair sex, is quite fragile an issue. The problems that make up the fragility are as stated.

• An open statement that shall portray me as an aberrant, shall hinder my prospects.
• The general expectation from a fair sex is to be fair and elegant, not headstrong and open minded.

But, with the hope that this would only enable at filtering the prospects unsuitable for my disposition, i proceed on. Also, i would like to encourage you, the reader, to try and empathize with the situation if you are not the fairer sex, rather than considering yourself as the prospect.

Firstly, being a woman at 23, i still cannot think of calling anyone other than my parents and sibling as family. Is it possible for a person to forcibly intrude himself in, when i am not ready to accept? 

Secondly, there is this really huge concept or feeling or whatever you might want to term as - 'Love', that is unbelievably, yet universally praised. In my perspective, there is no emotion or feeling that never ceases to exist. An attraction on another person that might seem unbounded and immeasurable, would eventually lose that flavor by time. One might want to question, then how are there couples existing, living for prolonged years together or even till they perish, with love for each other. The answer to that is quite practical and blunt - they grow dependent and comfortable with each other. This attribute, i suppose, can be termed as friendship. So essentially, after a marriage, one might find the emotion 'love' with the partner, eventually might find it subsiding in time and turn out to have been grown dependent on each other. An alter - never find the love quotient, yet be friends and lead an understanding life. Another alter - find the partner utterly repulsive and file for a divorce. This just seems like a case of probability, where the said and unsaid outcomes can occur based on the mutuality region's extent among the partners. Hence, there seems nothing divine or attractive in this whole scheme of love and dependency which is worth attempting for.

Thirdly, though a little off-track, i would very much like to address this topic too. Hope you remember the school/ college days, when a girl and a guy spotted talking, would be 'paired up' and shall be teased upon  with each other. These circumstances provide pleasant memories, if the person had any emotions for the other, be it fleeting or for long. While, if the person had not bothered about or disliked his/her pair, the memory would be something of unaffected nature. While though, there is this another category that is a little complicated - the girl and the guy would have wanted to harbor a simple nature of friendship and this 'pairing up' ruins it all. I consider friendship to be a worthy relationship. One would want to make a friend of another, by being inspired of the character and wanting to acquire the good traits from the other person. This is very much synonymous to the act of acquiring knowledge. When such a ridiculous 'pairing up' is done, the girl and the guy shall be forced to avoid the other's company, which would have been otherwise useful.

Summing up, there are different generations of social influences which play a pivotal role and which we hesitate to openly address as issues. An elderly generation that cannot accept questions on traditions; a mid-level generation that gives undeservingly huge hues to the concept of 'love' and 'marriage'; and a younger generation that gives undeservingly wrong hues to create uncomfortable situations. Will we be able to change these social influences and make a reasonable and comfortable life for ourselves? 

We, the society, should decide.

Written thoughts.

To write, is a weird process. I generally start writing with one thought in my head to be conveyed. Then when i start typing or writing out, the concern about giving a structure to the thought erupts and sometimes the whole process from then on becomes a tedious one. So today, the thought was to analyze how this whole thing of writing works out in my head. The write i am going to analyze on is Master's - the enlightment (part 2) So here goes..

Note: All in red are my thoughts, black are the original written part and blue is the spice!

Pre-Script: It's gonna be tricky unless you read my previous blog mentioned above. Sorry for the trouble.

I want to write about the decision i took. So maybe Decisions, we all take. Whether they really prove to be effective, that is a question we answer after taking the decision. It sounds cool. Kinda like Sean Connery's dialogues.And so started my answering phase for the decision i've taken in my life - "To pursue Master's" This phrase sounds very familiar to me. Why?? Rite, this is how my cover letter starts. Obviously!- which has turned into quite a clichéd expression i've been using in most of my letters of late. which i dont think anybody would connect to. Anyway, let me just break here and go to the next para, before they think too much.

One might have many a reason to yearn for a graduate degree abroad - and i want to list the reasons. Wait! i dont want THEM to know what my reason was. Im a genius! i'll put my reason in between the rest, so they would think the first one as mine which will be the wrong one. The first rule of writing is, never connect it with you..  a real quench for knowledge in a particular field of interest yup! those usual couple of guys in the class who keep asking doubts during lectures, as a family status symbol that has to be kept up competing with the predecessor cousins who have done the same task first - im making the sentence complex, next who would be this stupid to have THIS as a reason? but should i care? naah.., to do that one step ahead than the bride in the degree count (with a smirk) usually its told that girls come to US after finding a partner or TO find a partner. But im not gonna say that! Remember, im a girl whose virtues of male-female equality stand tall like a statue of liberty in my head, to have that one last chance of freedom in life at a place quite known or rather animated for the fun and frolic of the younger generation i think this is how guys feel usually. Quite a far guess though, who knows what goes on in their heads?? , as a hope for the career path after Bachelor's to steer into an interesting domain, etc. Exactly! this is how every person who come to US for MS after a couple of years of work experience feel like. Or am i a very narrow minded prejudging person? again! who cares??, of which if your reason was not mentioned, you are welcome to include them too. Now, its my turn to include my reason in between. So, what was my reason again?.. Maybe it'll be much more a genius effort if i dont even put my reason in this. Waah! im brilliant! But the point here is, we all have our reasons that might be big, small or moderate not gonna say "big, moderate or small". Be different \m/ in other's eyes, yet it has become into something which drove us to this point in our lives. the whole sentence sounds very redundant "point" "lives". Maybe whenever the going gets tougher, the next para gets going!

This seems to go too boring. Maybe, i could claim the proceeding part to be interesting, though it actually is not! Yaay! New theory! The interesting perspective about this decision we have taken is the predicament that tags along with us. Where do i go? Where do i go?? I'll take the emergency exit. more examples, more reasons! Starting from the reason we have for the decision taken - even if the reason is sillier, the first and foremost obligation is to make it look like a noble cause. Pretty much the whole effort in my writing is the same. This is truly a difficult task, when the person himself cannot connect anymore with the reason or finds the reason ridiculous and baseless. Pretty much this is how my thought process while writing goes too.The predicament extends to the extent of coping to live without the first circle of family and friends, which is truly not an easy task; and having to show up a dignified existence where a subconscious thought of second class inhabitant constantly lingers in the heart. OMG! Im connecting! Im connecting!! Exit strategy - skip to next para...

Even with all of these negativities and even more to be added along with them on the due course, The second rule of writing is, never connect it with you! Now i made it sound like a general notion. Naanananaana (tongue's out) we still manage to have some quotient of enjoyment in life, for freedom tastes sweet too sometimes. There are certain things which we wouldn't be trying out had it been that we were living with our parents in our home country. (with a smirk) People are gonna expect something spicy with tongues lolling out Activities that would have been considered unwise or threatening otherwise, shall be looked upon as a valuable experience to be gained, even by our hawk eyed parents. Parents - hawk eyed? actually doesn't touch the base that much. Still, think it can pass.Thus becomes road trips, camping, sky diving & hiking a valid pastime for holidays and weekends to be looked up for. That's what i see on facebook more or less. Night time walks and star gazing becomes recreational relaxation for the day. (with a grin) that's what i do for any free day! Arrggh! i connected again (Slap myself) NEXT PARA!!

Actually too much of jumps.. and where am i taking them to? but wasn't the aim of my blog to just write for myself & anybody who is interested enough can glimpse at my thoughts too. But then its too late to even be writing for myself. Its 3:45 am already. I'm gonna end it. Master's is a waste of time already. 

On a cumulative note, Master's as a 2 year span of our life, should i say my life? am i not generalizing that all readers are doing master's. Brain inactivity.. Skip off! would give an accomplished or unaccomplished feel, based on the way we would want to look at it. (laughs out) that's definitely off the track. Right now when i turn back and see, it seems colorful to me. (Laughs out really hard) im gone crazy. Whatte conclusion man! "colorful" sooooper!! Let them just split their hairs and run away. Will you ever dare coming to my blog site? Will you uh? Will you?? (In tamil - Mavane! Setha nee!) OK! end.

So guys, here is what i want to say - The third rule of writing is, never connect it with you. (lol) Fight club Rockkkss!!! \m/ 

Written thoughts.

To write, is a weird process. I generally start writing with one thought in my head to be conveyed. Then when i start typing or writing out, the concern about giving a structure to the thought erupts and sometimes the whole process from then on becomes a tedious one. So today, the thought was to analyze how this whole thing of writing works out in my head. The write i am going to analyze on is Master's - the enlightment (part 2) So here goes..

Note: All in red are my thoughts, black are the original written part and blue is the spice!

Pre-Script: It's gonna be tricky unless you read my previous blog mentioned above. Sorry for the trouble.

I want to write about the decision i took. So maybe Decisions, we all take. Whether they really prove to be effective, that is a question we answer after taking the decision. It sounds cool. Kinda like Sean Connery's dialogues.And so started my answering phase for the decision i've taken in my life - "To pursue Master's" This phrase sounds very familiar to me. Why?? Rite, this is how my cover letter starts. Obviously!- which has turned into quite a clichéd expression i've been using in most of my letters of late. which i dont think anybody would connect to. Anyway, let me just break here and go to the next para, before they think too much.

One might have many a reason to yearn for a graduate degree abroad - and i want to list the reasons. Wait! i dont want THEM to know what my reason was. Im a genius! i'll put my reason in between the rest, so they would think the first one as mine which will be the wrong one. The first rule of writing is, never connect it with you..  a real quench for knowledge in a particular field of interest yup! those usual couple of guys in the class who keep asking doubts during lectures, as a family status symbol that has to be kept up competing with the predecessor cousins who have done the same task first - im making the sentence complex, next who would be this stupid to have THIS as a reason? but should i care? naah.., to do that one step ahead than the bride in the degree count (with a smirk) usually its told that girls come to US after finding a partner or TO find a partner. But im not gonna say that! Remember, im a girl whose virtues of male-female equality stand tall like a statue of liberty in my head, to have that one last chance of freedom in life at a place quite known or rather animated for the fun and frolic of the younger generation i think this is how guys feel usually. Quite a far guess though, who knows what goes on in their heads?? , as a hope for the career path after Bachelor's to steer into an interesting domain, etc. Exactly! this is how every person who come to US for MS after a couple of years of work experience feel like. Or am i a very narrow minded prejudging person? again! who cares??, of which if your reason was not mentioned, you are welcome to include them too. Now, its my turn to include my reason in between. So, what was my reason again?.. Maybe it'll be much more a genius effort if i dont even put my reason in this. Waah! im brilliant! But the point here is, we all have our reasons that might be big, small or moderate not gonna say "big, moderate or small". Be different \m/ in other's eyes, yet it has become into something which drove us to this point in our lives. the whole sentence sounds very redundant "point" "lives". Maybe whenever the going gets tougher, the next para gets going!

This seems to go too boring. Maybe, i could claim the proceeding part to be interesting, though it actually is not! Yaay! New theory! The interesting perspective about this decision we have taken is the predicament that tags along with us. Where do i go? Where do i go?? I'll take the emergency exit. more examples, more reasons! Starting from the reason we have for the decision taken - even if the reason is sillier, the first and foremost obligation is to make it look like a noble cause. Pretty much the whole effort in my writing is the same. This is truly a difficult task, when the person himself cannot connect anymore with the reason or finds the reason ridiculous and baseless. Pretty much this is how my thought process while writing goes too.The predicament extends to the extent of coping to live without the first circle of family and friends, which is truly not an easy task; and having to show up a dignified existence where a subconscious thought of second class inhabitant constantly lingers in the heart. OMG! Im connecting! Im connecting!! Exit strategy - skip to next para...

Even with all of these negativities and even more to be added along with them on the due course, The second rule of writing is, never connect it with you! Now i made it sound like a general notion. Naanananaana (tongue's out) we still manage to have some quotient of enjoyment in life, for freedom tastes sweet too sometimes. There are certain things which we wouldn't be trying out had it been that we were living with our parents in our home country. (with a smirk) People are gonna expect something spicy with tongues lolling out Activities that would have been considered unwise or threatening otherwise, shall be looked upon as a valuable experience to be gained, even by our hawk eyed parents. Parents - hawk eyed? actually doesn't touch the base that much. Still, think it can pass.Thus becomes road trips, camping, sky diving & hiking a valid pastime for holidays and weekends to be looked up for. That's what i see on facebook more or less. Night time walks and star gazing becomes recreational relaxation for the day. (with a grin) that's what i do for any free day! Arrggh! i connected again (Slap myself) NEXT PARA!!

Actually too much of jumps.. and where am i taking them to? but wasn't the aim of my blog to just write for myself & anybody who is interested enough can glimpse at my thoughts too. But then its too late to even be writing for myself. Its 3:45 am already. I'm gonna end it. Master's is a waste of time already. (Hey you - That was just a momentary exasperation. Don't you dare judge me)

On a cumulative note, Master's as a 2 year span of our life, should i say my life? am i not generalizing that all readers are doing master's. Brain inactivity.. Skip off! would give an accomplished or unaccomplished feel, based on the way we would want to look at it. (laughs out) that's definitely off the track. Right now when i turn back and see, it seems colorful to me. (Laughs out really hard) im gone crazy. Whatte conclusion man! "colorful" sooooper!! Let them just split their hairs and run away. Will you ever dare coming to my blog site? Will you uh? Will you?? (In tamil - Mavane! Setha nee!) OK! end.

So guys, here is what i want to say - The third rule of writing is, never connect it with you. (lol) Fight club Rockkkss!!! \m/ 

Master's - the enlightenment (part 2)

Decisions, we all take. Whether they really prove to be effective, that is a question we answer after taking the decision. And so started my answering phase for the decision I've taken in my life - "To pursue Master's" - which has turned into quite a cliched expression I've been using in most of my letters of late.

One might have many a reason to yearn for a graduate degree abroad -  a real quench for knowledge in a particular field of interest, as a family status symbol that has to be kept up competing with the predecessor cousins who have done the same task, to do that one step ahead than the bride in the degree count, to have that one last chance of freedom in life at a place quite known or rather animated for the fun and frolic of the younger generation, as a hope for the career path after Bachelor's to steer into an interesting domain, etc., of which if your reason was not mentioned, you are welcome to include them too. But the point here is, we all have our reasons that might be big, small or moderate in other's eyes, yet it has become into something which drove us to this point in our lives.

The interesting perspective about this decision we have taken is the predicament that tags along with us. Starting from the reason we have for the decision taken - even if the reason is sillier, the first and foremost obligation is to make it look like a noble cause. This is truly a difficult task, when the person himself cannot connect anymore with the reason or finds the reason ridiculous and baseless. The predicament extends to the extent of coping to live without the first circle of family and friends, which is truly not an easy task; and having to show up a dignified existence where a subconscious thought of second class inhabitant constantly lingers in the heart.

Even with all of these negativeness and even more to be added along with them on the due course, we still manage to have some quotient of enjoyment in life, for freedom tastes sweet too sometimes. There are certain things which we wouldn't be trying out had it been that we were living with our parents in our home country. Activities that would have been considered unwise or threatening otherwise, shall be looked upon as a valuable experience to be gained, even by our hawk eyed parents. Thus becomes road trips, camping, sky diving & hiking a valid pastime for holidays and weekends to be looked up for. Night time walks and star gazing becomes recreational relaxation for the day.

On a cumulative note, Master's as a 2 year span of our life, would give an accomplished or unaccomplished feel, based on the way we would want to look at it. Right now when i turn back and see, it seems colorful to me.

Vastness

Its 4:55 pm at a land where sky brags its beauty year around. I lie down, staring through my window at the rustling tree branches, the intermittently gliding planes and hearing a song with its bgm like pelting rain. The sound of the rain and the bright sky outside somehow sink soothingly, drifting me into the other world. It is a world where time stands still, sky is orange, sun is half hidden, wind blows through the self and vastness of brown land lies spread in front, boundless. No sound, no movement, no life. Vaguely, a feeling - peaceful and eternal surges and settles within. To describe what exactly it means is difficult. Does it really mean peace or absence of life? I somehow find it impossible to question the reason behind such an imagination. Maybe this is one among those experiences you wouldn't want to resolve, afraid of losing its pure flavor, a unique one at that.

Or its the play of a strand of memory i have, of watching episodes on discovery channel about evolution of dinosaurs that stroll through such vast land with their necks long enough to make a setting sun seem like its creeping on the edge of the earth's horizon.

P.S.: Memories are dangerous! They can play you in unaccountable ways, when you least expect them to. :)

high above..

I shall be the lush leaf at the tip of the tree,
waving and rustling in the air
being able to see the far horizons
confident of touching the skies someday,
whilst never shall i wither!

I shall not live just for the duty of it.

The incomprehensible imaginations one gets of how one's life should turn out to be are to be looked with awe and admiration. While the insecurities we feel of our immediate future and surroundings make us - the humans, to be no more than to be pitied at. Each opportunity we miss in life thinking of it's possible adverse effects, blowing it up to disproportionate volume, that it even smudges the tinkers of happiness that it might have yielded had we pursued it; makes us seem to be vain little creatures. Where did we learn to distinguish darkness from light and good from bad?

Now, we a group of animals, we who scrounge for wealth and health, we who created machinery and literature, set standards and try to segregate and shut everything we feel and see into labelled little boxes. How could we have dared to do such a deed? Isn't it true that everything deserves to be treated equally for its own uniqueness? There can never exist a line to part everything into one and another. It is futile to try and calibrate everything, for the final reading one might ever get is the absolute one - the infinity!

PS: yes! the usual cliched ending :)

O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! My Captain!
So I want to scream
at the great gentleman who raised above
and told the truth to me.

I know him well of his crushes and sadness
for he is a simple man who accepts his madness

He told me to bother the pain caused by none
as he knew that the truth is only one.

When i cried and wailed
at the tempest of the evil harshness
at the cut-throat world causing bitterness
tumbling down to the spiraling hell,

There he stood patiently
waiting to absolve my sin of ignorance;

There he stood looking no likely to an angel
his dark skin and graying hair unlike any halo or wing.

Spoke my captain, that there is
nothing I shall not achieve
nothing I can grieve for
for when I set my heart, I can have it all!

No beauty I can be proud of
no wealth I can accumulate
for they all dwindle as time passes by.

Not a man's love so pure
not a friend's care so dear
for it is no better than peeling an onion to sheer.

Never a thirst of knowledge quenched
never an absolute power attained
for there is always something left as many as uncounted stars in the sky.

He said it all and said again
that there is only one truth I shall know
as long as the sands of time trickle
as long as there is a question unanswered,

It is for me to know that,
the truth behind everything is in the last,
the last of all - 'The Infinity'.

It is all infinite - laughter of happiness,
alluring pleasure, want of knowledge,
throat clutching sadness, unresistant power,
everlasting beauty, adventurous thrills
in the end all that is attained is worthless
compared to what is left to be attained yet.

My sin relieved, my conscience cleared,
O Captain! My Captain!
so shall I scream for you
for the infinite breath
each soul shall take
in the past, now and forever!

(As a mark of respect to Selvaganesan)
Priyadharshini Selvaganesan.

Law of photos.

This! i am writing because, my mind is just filled to its brim with Graduate course work and it is in desperate need of some dilutive. So here goes the vetti (for the meaning refer here. Quite a collection) analysis of the recently annoying yet interesting trend I've been observing off-late. PHOTOS!! PICS!!! Yes, the ones which are abundantly discharged in Facebook with innumerable album titles as equivalent to the number of friends one has. My postulates for not being interested in making a public statement of how do i look like are as follows -

• Law of piracy - However the Facebook may build brickwalled privacy protection policies, just like every other social networking sites, it too will have brilliant geeky hackers and spammers, who will make us quit or forget Facebook someday.
• Law of appa - When i collect and treasure my daughter's pictures even on her primary school ID cards, how can i be at peace on knowing that some random guy "liked" her picture on her Facebook wall.
• Law of equivalent exchange - If i put a profile picture and some 40+ people liked it, it indirectly means that i shall be entitled to like the pictures of those 40+ people however silly and mundane those pics might be, in order to sustain the number of likes for every rubbish post i update in future.
• Law of photoshop - If at all, i want to put a picture, i would have to crop, cut, contrast, brighten - do all the possible photoshop deeds to make it an outstanding profile picture, so that i'll be poured with likes and comments the instant i upload. This picture of mine would have only a 0.25 probability of having a resemblance of me (under predefined conditions such as tilted angle, properly slept non-black circle eyed face, etc) .
• Law of race - After the act of picture uploading, life becomes a race to keep up the rating for one self by keeping up the trend ( Such as - black & white photos, childhood photos, with a best friend photo, holiday trip photos, horizon BG photos and of many such likes). 

With all these delicacies added up to the fact that "if there occurs a picture perfect moment, my mind shall be more than glad to savor it better than any high resolution SLR camera, with the moment's purest essence, etched in my memory forever", I hope that i persist with my current perspective always in the future.

PS: Im just another hypocrite who justifies my laziness with abundant and random reasoning. So Free!! :P
Simple truth is - I just sense a feel of violation, when one's looks and likes are made public. After all wouldn't we like some privacy for ourselves?! :)