It is odd to think of how one is expected to live in this society. An aberrant to the norms shall not be digested, free thinkers shall be judged and there is to be only a single line that starts from a point. Such is our society that is always geared up and ready to plunge at judging an action that which is not understandable to the simple minds. I understand what you think of too -that if a person really is a free thinker, he/she need not bother about these judgments and choose to disregard them. I second that too. But, the real and practical scenario is that, there exists a constant lurking fear in every person, that there will be some occasions that might need the acceptance and nods from this society. To enlist some of such scenarios - marriage, a business venture, retirement from a profession.
The one that has been bothering me in my current stage of life is "marriage". To discuss this matter, while being the fair sex, is quite fragile an issue. The problems that make up the fragility are as stated.
- An open statement that shall portray me as an aberrant, shall hinder my prospects.
- The general expectation from a fair sex is to be fair and elegant, not headstrong and open minded.
But, with the hope that this would only enable at filtering the prospects unsuitable for my disposition, i proceed on. Also, i would like to encourage you, the reader, to try and empathize with the situation if you are not the fairer sex, rather than considering yourself as the prospect.
Firstly, being a woman at 23, i still cannot think of calling anyone other than my parents and sibling as family. Is it possible for a person to forcibly intrude himself in, when i am not ready to accept?
Secondly, there is this really huge concept or feeling or whatever you might want to term as - 'Love', that is unbelievably, yet universally praised. In my perspective, there is no emotion or feeling that never ceases to exist. An attraction on another person that might seem unbounded and immeasurable, would eventually lose that flavor by time. One might want to question, then how are there couples existing, living for prolonged years together or even till they perish, with love for each other. The answer to that is quite practical and blunt - they grow dependent and comfortable with each other. This attribute, i suppose, can be termed as friendship. So essentially, after a marriage, one might find the emotion 'love' with the partner, eventually might find it subsiding in time and turn out to have been grown dependent on each other. An alter - never find the love quotient, yet be friends and lead an understanding life. Another alter - find the partner utterly repulsive and file for a divorce. This just seems like a case of probability, where the said and unsaid outcomes can occur based on the mutuality region's extent among the partners. Hence, there seems nothing divine or attractive in this whole scheme of love and dependency which is worth attempting for.
Thirdly, though a little off-track, i would very much like to address this topic too. Hope you remember the school/ college days, when a girl and a guy spotted talking, would be 'paired up' and shall be teased upon with each other. These circumstances provide pleasant memories, if the person had any emotions for the other, be it fleeting or for long. While, if the person had not bothered about or disliked his/her pair, the memory would be something of unaffected nature. While though, there is this another category that is a little complicated - the girl and the guy would have wanted to harbor a simple nature of friendship and this 'pairing up' ruins it all. I consider friendship to be a worthy relationship. One would want to make a friend of another, by being inspired of the character and wanting to acquire the good traits from the other person. This is very much synonymous to the act of acquiring knowledge. When such a ridiculous 'pairing up' is done, the girl and the guy shall be forced to avoid the other's company, which would have been otherwise useful.
Summing up, there are different generations of social influences which play a pivotal role and which we hesitate to openly address as issues. An elderly generation that cannot accept questions on traditions; a mid-level generation that gives undeservingly huge hues to the concept of 'love' and 'marriage'; and a younger generation that gives undeservingly wrong hues to create uncomfortable situations. Will we be able to change these social influences and make a reasonable and comfortable life for ourselves? We, the society, should decide.
