Caught in the rain

In the rain I dance

Swaying for your glance..

Will you pass as clouds?

Will you charm a storm?

No one shall know

This glow you left in me..

Fresh as the scent of rain

After a long dry spell..

I swim in your smiles..

Furtive, as they are

Have stolen me away

From prude and thoughts..

Dreamworld

Very commonly, a stirring song, can create thoughts. Too good, that you would want to pen them down. Such a song is Dreamworld and thoughts created are here for you.

My dreamworld. It's a pleasant place with cool warmly winds brushing by. Earth fresh, trees tall and air humid. A clear sky in the mid day makes sweat drops arise on the skin. A gushing air chills from within. Uneasiness exists only to make the coming of good feel pleasurable.

The scene looks different every time. It's the change that gives the familiarity. There are no extremes. No hysterics, no anger, no laughter, no sadness. Just pleasant smiles. Constant and unwavering. Peace exists here. No one cares of time. There is no trouble. It just feels right the way it is. Nothing is still. There is always a smooth flow. So smooth, it looks to be still from far.

There is no hunger. I graze my hand over the grasses. Each strand and tip tells it is itself and unique. A fresh energy flows from the touch. Gravity is loved. Lying on the ground, gives the feeling of being one with all.

Sky.. It's just there. Everywhere. In a dark night, the bright stars gleefully shimmer. A shooting star strides across the sky occasionally. The rest, dance elegantly in the big dark sky. The way they are, it always seems anew. It feels like hearing stories from eons back. Gives a feeling it is all about me, but from the distant past. 

A dawn begins, breaking across the dark sky. Stars go for their rest. A redness spreads everywhere. Eyelids heave mild, easily drooping. A picture that i can drink to my heart-full. No stops. No frames. Existence blended into everything. Life feels contented, comfortable - my dreamworld.

P.S.: In the picture is my favorite old broken coffee mug. Just like my dreamworld, it has its own character, that just can't be replaced by any other.

If i were a secret agent

If i were a secret agent, i would be doing these,

1. Wouldn't risk having meals at restaurants, in fear of enemy spies poisoning my food.
2. Go out at mysterious times in the night to have secret meetings with agent Q, X and Y from Headquarters and execute secret missions.
3. Always prefer going out alone, since going along with friends will endanger their lives to enemy's sniper shoots or even take them to the risk of being kidnapped to threaten me from aborting my missions. Family and friends are big liabilities in this occupation!
4. Know to pilot high power jets and planes. Slow moving vehicles like bicycles are not useful in this field.
5. Always carry a big baggage with bomb diffusion kit and some refill ammo to be ready for any possible encounters.
6. Would be proficient in weight lifting and judo, hence be strong enough to shift a 300 pounds mahogany table by self.
7. Have a very small social network and be discreet in revealing the identity.
8. Though actually multi-lingual, claim to know only one or two languages. It helps to retrieve unintended information from enemies.
9. Write public posts with secret information encoded in them.
10. Old habits die hard. Years of secret military office training is much visible, by the general like to be formally attired.
11. Wear shoes, not sandal for missions. Shoes have secret poisoned knifes that plunge open on a judo leg kick, rendering a silent quick death to the enemy.
12. Never for long, work at one place or stay at one place. Being on the move is the best tactic to always be under-cover.
13. Often be spotted talking to oneself. Actually, having a meeting with secret agent Q about next mission while speaking through the tiny ear piece transceiver.
14. Be proficient in the 'claimed-to-be' native tongue to the level of conversing convincingly good enough, but have bad grammatical mistakes while writing in them. 
15. Always be concise in what i say and avoid speaking much. Being liberal at words might lead to Nation's information being outed. Information is power.
16. Always look up at the sky, to make sure no alien intrusion is impending. Being an MIB, caution and alertness are necessities. Oh shoot! (wears the Ray Ban and takes out the Neuralizer. '''''Flash''''' ) You didn't read this line. Slap the person near you for stealing your bread sandwich.

P.S.: I'm having serious second thoughts about my career...

Nonsensical idiosyncrasies of the world (uh, maybe mine)

So, here we are, with the one and only aim to analyze the odd and unreasonable ways of world (yup, the simple worded title). Jumping right into it, have you ever been attacked by the forceful clasping act of others - The Hug! I don't understand why would anyone want to be hugged or worse - why would anyone want to hug another person?? I mean, bears hug! even when they fight!! But we are humans. It's quite common to see in movies, for a heroine to ascend up to heaven when hero touches her. That's bullshit! Genuinely, her hair would stand out like the cat's in the picture. Simply put, i would say "ban hugging!" and live happily ever after in the quiet, well secluded personal space, equipped with a sharp spear to plunge through anyone who comes nearer than a meter's distance.

 

Then, the world's second most important thing to change would be swearing. The 2 most common profanities in the place i currently reside are f*** & a******. My concern is they are not hurting, rather just plainly disgusting. Why do people forget the wonderful, elegant, wholesome and rich words like maniac, wacko, iDiot (note the stress in D), leech, whimper-er, repellant, glutton, sadist, loser! No no, i'm not cursing you. I mean, words like leech or glutton could make a person writhe in pain in and out! (sigh).. Hopefully, someday the world would be at par with me. 

Though there is a book full of things i would want to be changed or implemented in this world, i would just say one more and publish the rest in my book. We all like to walk and talk with people who walk along with us, which is quite normal. If we happen to walk alone, why shouldn't we talk? We have a lot of things going on in our mind. Wording them out, is just another way of expressing our thoughts. This is what i call self-talking, talking to oneself. It's not crazy, it's completely reasonable and understandable. In fact, if there is a crisis situation which you have to discuss and analyze, while there is no one to talk to - you can simply put a meeting with you, you and maybe also you. See! a three person meeting is arranged with no resources wasted. I'll tell you another instance. You want to make fun of somebody, but it is offensive to ridicule that person in front of another person. So you ridicule the person talking just to you and have a laugh riot hearing it for yourself. No one is hurt, you had a fun time and you would laugh in your head the next time you come across that person. Win -win! Hence, i suggest just like how talking over the mobile phone is accepted, talking to oneself aloud also should be accepted, embraced and appreciated!

Liberation

The season has changed. Bitter cold has given way to gentle breeze with drizzles. A change, which i really wished for, had set, giving the sense of liberation. If this minute change in weather, which has happened for countless times before, matters this much - a change in belonging, giving the first complete sense of freedom from the toils of many a decades, couldn't be expressed with merely "cliched patriotic" words.

To imagine oneself being at the precise moment of "26th of January 1950", feeling the freedom as an Indian, feeling the confidence in the change of ways and truly believing a brilliant and bright future - How i wish to be in that state of ecstasy! But it doesn't end there. As it is well known and said "With great power comes great responsibility", every Indian would have felt the heaviness of the freedom they have earned. A constitution was drafted by the best of minds, with the best of intentions. Political principles, duties and rights were assimilated from many other existing constitutions and adapted to the rich and diverse India, making the first ever draft of our very own Indian constitution. It seems to be no less than the birth of a beautiful child. Yes, Our India!

Today, when i fill forms declaring my nationality as Indian, a subconscious pride arises. The tri-color flag seems very much a part of my being, much like the part of my mother, father and brother. Especially, when living in a Foreign land, every distress and slighting over my nation's dignity, seems unbearable and unacceptable. It is true that there have occurred many a distressing mishaps in the past. Though I am not responsible for those mishaps, I am responsible to not have prevented it. I believe the solution for the problems, comes from taking the responsibility over it and trying to overcome them, though in however small measure it might seem. After all, with great power comes great responsibility. My ancestors have won the power of freedom for me and now it is my duty to conserve and protect it.

With all my heart, i wish to utter the same word said by many brave hearts on this same day - Vande Mataram!!!

It's quite social.

It is odd to think of how one is expected to live in this society. An aberrant to the norms shall not be digested, free thinkers shall be judged and there is to be only a single line that starts from a point. Such is our society that is always geared up and ready to plunge at judging an action that which is not understandable to the simple minds. I understand what you think of too -that if a person really is a free thinker, he/she need not bother about these judgments and choose to disregard them. I second that too. But, the real and practical scenario is that, there exists a constant lurking fear in every person, that there will be some occasions that might need the acceptance and nods from this society. To enlist some of such scenarios - marriage, a business venture, retirement from a profession.

The one that has been bothering me in my current stage of life is "marriage". To discuss this matter, while being the fair sex, is quite fragile an issue. The problems that make up the fragility are as stated.

• An open statement that shall portray me as an aberrant, shall hinder my prospects.
• The general expectation from a fair sex is to be fair and elegant, not headstrong and open minded.

But, with the hope that this would only enable at filtering the prospects unsuitable for my disposition, i proceed on. Also, i would like to encourage you, the reader, to try and empathize with the situation if you are not the fairer sex, rather than considering yourself as the prospect.

Firstly, being a woman at 23, i still cannot think of calling anyone other than my parents and sibling as family. Is it possible for a person to forcibly intrude himself in, when i am not ready to accept? 

Secondly, there is this really huge concept or feeling or whatever you might want to term as - 'Love', that is unbelievably, yet universally praised. In my perspective, there is no emotion or feeling that never ceases to exist. An attraction on another person that might seem unbounded and immeasurable, would eventually lose that flavor by time. One might want to question, then how are there couples existing, living for prolonged years together or even till they perish, with love for each other. The answer to that is quite practical and blunt - they grow dependent and comfortable with each other. This attribute, i suppose, can be termed as friendship. So essentially, after a marriage, one might find the emotion 'love' with the partner, eventually might find it subsiding in time and turn out to have been grown dependent on each other. An alter - never find the love quotient, yet be friends and lead an understanding life. Another alter - find the partner utterly repulsive and file for a divorce. This just seems like a case of probability, where the said and unsaid outcomes can occur based on the mutuality region's extent among the partners. Hence, there seems nothing divine or attractive in this whole scheme of love and dependency which is worth attempting for.

Thirdly, though a little off-track, i would very much like to address this topic too. Hope you remember the school/ college days, when a girl and a guy spotted talking, would be 'paired up' and shall be teased upon  with each other. These circumstances provide pleasant memories, if the person had any emotions for the other, be it fleeting or for long. While, if the person had not bothered about or disliked his/her pair, the memory would be something of unaffected nature. While though, there is this another category that is a little complicated - the girl and the guy would have wanted to harbor a simple nature of friendship and this 'pairing up' ruins it all. I consider friendship to be a worthy relationship. One would want to make a friend of another, by being inspired of the character and wanting to acquire the good traits from the other person. This is very much synonymous to the act of acquiring knowledge. When such a ridiculous 'pairing up' is done, the girl and the guy shall be forced to avoid the other's company, which would have been otherwise useful.

Summing up, there are different generations of social influences which play a pivotal role and which we hesitate to openly address as issues. An elderly generation that cannot accept questions on traditions; a mid-level generation that gives undeservingly huge hues to the concept of 'love' and 'marriage'; and a younger generation that gives undeservingly wrong hues to create uncomfortable situations. Will we be able to change these social influences and make a reasonable and comfortable life for ourselves? 

We, the society, should decide.

Written thoughts.

To write, is a weird process. I generally start writing with one thought in my head to be conveyed. Then when i start typing or writing out, the concern about giving a structure to the thought erupts and sometimes the whole process from then on becomes a tedious one. So today, the thought was to analyze how this whole thing of writing works out in my head. The write i am going to analyze on is Master's - the enlightment (part 2) So here goes..

Note: All in red are my thoughts, black are the original written part and blue is the spice!

Pre-Script: It's gonna be tricky unless you read my previous blog mentioned above. Sorry for the trouble.

I want to write about the decision i took. So maybe Decisions, we all take. Whether they really prove to be effective, that is a question we answer after taking the decision. It sounds cool. Kinda like Sean Connery's dialogues.And so started my answering phase for the decision i've taken in my life - "To pursue Master's" This phrase sounds very familiar to me. Why?? Rite, this is how my cover letter starts. Obviously!- which has turned into quite a clichéd expression i've been using in most of my letters of late. which i dont think anybody would connect to. Anyway, let me just break here and go to the next para, before they think too much.

One might have many a reason to yearn for a graduate degree abroad - and i want to list the reasons. Wait! i dont want THEM to know what my reason was. Im a genius! i'll put my reason in between the rest, so they would think the first one as mine which will be the wrong one. The first rule of writing is, never connect it with you..  a real quench for knowledge in a particular field of interest yup! those usual couple of guys in the class who keep asking doubts during lectures, as a family status symbol that has to be kept up competing with the predecessor cousins who have done the same task first - im making the sentence complex, next who would be this stupid to have THIS as a reason? but should i care? naah.., to do that one step ahead than the bride in the degree count (with a smirk) usually its told that girls come to US after finding a partner or TO find a partner. But im not gonna say that! Remember, im a girl whose virtues of male-female equality stand tall like a statue of liberty in my head, to have that one last chance of freedom in life at a place quite known or rather animated for the fun and frolic of the younger generation i think this is how guys feel usually. Quite a far guess though, who knows what goes on in their heads?? , as a hope for the career path after Bachelor's to steer into an interesting domain, etc. Exactly! this is how every person who come to US for MS after a couple of years of work experience feel like. Or am i a very narrow minded prejudging person? again! who cares??, of which if your reason was not mentioned, you are welcome to include them too. Now, its my turn to include my reason in between. So, what was my reason again?.. Maybe it'll be much more a genius effort if i dont even put my reason in this. Waah! im brilliant! But the point here is, we all have our reasons that might be big, small or moderate not gonna say "big, moderate or small". Be different \m/ in other's eyes, yet it has become into something which drove us to this point in our lives. the whole sentence sounds very redundant "point" "lives". Maybe whenever the going gets tougher, the next para gets going!

This seems to go too boring. Maybe, i could claim the proceeding part to be interesting, though it actually is not! Yaay! New theory! The interesting perspective about this decision we have taken is the predicament that tags along with us. Where do i go? Where do i go?? I'll take the emergency exit. more examples, more reasons! Starting from the reason we have for the decision taken - even if the reason is sillier, the first and foremost obligation is to make it look like a noble cause. Pretty much the whole effort in my writing is the same. This is truly a difficult task, when the person himself cannot connect anymore with the reason or finds the reason ridiculous and baseless. Pretty much this is how my thought process while writing goes too.The predicament extends to the extent of coping to live without the first circle of family and friends, which is truly not an easy task; and having to show up a dignified existence where a subconscious thought of second class inhabitant constantly lingers in the heart. OMG! Im connecting! Im connecting!! Exit strategy - skip to next para...

Even with all of these negativities and even more to be added along with them on the due course, The second rule of writing is, never connect it with you! Now i made it sound like a general notion. Naanananaana (tongue's out) we still manage to have some quotient of enjoyment in life, for freedom tastes sweet too sometimes. There are certain things which we wouldn't be trying out had it been that we were living with our parents in our home country. (with a smirk) People are gonna expect something spicy with tongues lolling out Activities that would have been considered unwise or threatening otherwise, shall be looked upon as a valuable experience to be gained, even by our hawk eyed parents. Parents - hawk eyed? actually doesn't touch the base that much. Still, think it can pass.Thus becomes road trips, camping, sky diving & hiking a valid pastime for holidays and weekends to be looked up for. That's what i see on facebook more or less. Night time walks and star gazing becomes recreational relaxation for the day. (with a grin) that's what i do for any free day! Arrggh! i connected again (Slap myself) NEXT PARA!!

Actually too much of jumps.. and where am i taking them to? but wasn't the aim of my blog to just write for myself & anybody who is interested enough can glimpse at my thoughts too. But then its too late to even be writing for myself. Its 3:45 am already. I'm gonna end it. Master's is a waste of time already. 

On a cumulative note, Master's as a 2 year span of our life, should i say my life? am i not generalizing that all readers are doing master's. Brain inactivity.. Skip off! would give an accomplished or unaccomplished feel, based on the way we would want to look at it. (laughs out) that's definitely off the track. Right now when i turn back and see, it seems colorful to me. (Laughs out really hard) im gone crazy. Whatte conclusion man! "colorful" sooooper!! Let them just split their hairs and run away. Will you ever dare coming to my blog site? Will you uh? Will you?? (In tamil - Mavane! Setha nee!) OK! end.

So guys, here is what i want to say - The third rule of writing is, never connect it with you. (lol) Fight club Rockkkss!!! \m/ 

Written thoughts.

To write, is a weird process. I generally start writing with one thought in my head to be conveyed. Then when i start typing or writing out, the concern about giving a structure to the thought erupts and sometimes the whole process from then on becomes a tedious one. So today, the thought was to analyze how this whole thing of writing works out in my head. The write i am going to analyze on is Master's - the enlightment (part 2) So here goes..

Note: All in red are my thoughts, black are the original written part and blue is the spice!

Pre-Script: It's gonna be tricky unless you read my previous blog mentioned above. Sorry for the trouble.

I want to write about the decision i took. So maybe Decisions, we all take. Whether they really prove to be effective, that is a question we answer after taking the decision. It sounds cool. Kinda like Sean Connery's dialogues.And so started my answering phase for the decision i've taken in my life - "To pursue Master's" This phrase sounds very familiar to me. Why?? Rite, this is how my cover letter starts. Obviously!- which has turned into quite a clichéd expression i've been using in most of my letters of late. which i dont think anybody would connect to. Anyway, let me just break here and go to the next para, before they think too much.

One might have many a reason to yearn for a graduate degree abroad - and i want to list the reasons. Wait! i dont want THEM to know what my reason was. Im a genius! i'll put my reason in between the rest, so they would think the first one as mine which will be the wrong one. The first rule of writing is, never connect it with you..  a real quench for knowledge in a particular field of interest yup! those usual couple of guys in the class who keep asking doubts during lectures, as a family status symbol that has to be kept up competing with the predecessor cousins who have done the same task first - im making the sentence complex, next who would be this stupid to have THIS as a reason? but should i care? naah.., to do that one step ahead than the bride in the degree count (with a smirk) usually its told that girls come to US after finding a partner or TO find a partner. But im not gonna say that! Remember, im a girl whose virtues of male-female equality stand tall like a statue of liberty in my head, to have that one last chance of freedom in life at a place quite known or rather animated for the fun and frolic of the younger generation i think this is how guys feel usually. Quite a far guess though, who knows what goes on in their heads?? , as a hope for the career path after Bachelor's to steer into an interesting domain, etc. Exactly! this is how every person who come to US for MS after a couple of years of work experience feel like. Or am i a very narrow minded prejudging person? again! who cares??, of which if your reason was not mentioned, you are welcome to include them too. Now, its my turn to include my reason in between. So, what was my reason again?.. Maybe it'll be much more a genius effort if i dont even put my reason in this. Waah! im brilliant! But the point here is, we all have our reasons that might be big, small or moderate not gonna say "big, moderate or small". Be different \m/ in other's eyes, yet it has become into something which drove us to this point in our lives. the whole sentence sounds very redundant "point" "lives". Maybe whenever the going gets tougher, the next para gets going!

This seems to go too boring. Maybe, i could claim the proceeding part to be interesting, though it actually is not! Yaay! New theory! The interesting perspective about this decision we have taken is the predicament that tags along with us. Where do i go? Where do i go?? I'll take the emergency exit. more examples, more reasons! Starting from the reason we have for the decision taken - even if the reason is sillier, the first and foremost obligation is to make it look like a noble cause. Pretty much the whole effort in my writing is the same. This is truly a difficult task, when the person himself cannot connect anymore with the reason or finds the reason ridiculous and baseless. Pretty much this is how my thought process while writing goes too.The predicament extends to the extent of coping to live without the first circle of family and friends, which is truly not an easy task; and having to show up a dignified existence where a subconscious thought of second class inhabitant constantly lingers in the heart. OMG! Im connecting! Im connecting!! Exit strategy - skip to next para...

Even with all of these negativities and even more to be added along with them on the due course, The second rule of writing is, never connect it with you! Now i made it sound like a general notion. Naanananaana (tongue's out) we still manage to have some quotient of enjoyment in life, for freedom tastes sweet too sometimes. There are certain things which we wouldn't be trying out had it been that we were living with our parents in our home country. (with a smirk) People are gonna expect something spicy with tongues lolling out Activities that would have been considered unwise or threatening otherwise, shall be looked upon as a valuable experience to be gained, even by our hawk eyed parents. Parents - hawk eyed? actually doesn't touch the base that much. Still, think it can pass.Thus becomes road trips, camping, sky diving & hiking a valid pastime for holidays and weekends to be looked up for. That's what i see on facebook more or less. Night time walks and star gazing becomes recreational relaxation for the day. (with a grin) that's what i do for any free day! Arrggh! i connected again (Slap myself) NEXT PARA!!

Actually too much of jumps.. and where am i taking them to? but wasn't the aim of my blog to just write for myself & anybody who is interested enough can glimpse at my thoughts too. But then its too late to even be writing for myself. Its 3:45 am already. I'm gonna end it. Master's is a waste of time already. (Hey you - That was just a momentary exasperation. Don't you dare judge me)

On a cumulative note, Master's as a 2 year span of our life, should i say my life? am i not generalizing that all readers are doing master's. Brain inactivity.. Skip off! would give an accomplished or unaccomplished feel, based on the way we would want to look at it. (laughs out) that's definitely off the track. Right now when i turn back and see, it seems colorful to me. (Laughs out really hard) im gone crazy. Whatte conclusion man! "colorful" sooooper!! Let them just split their hairs and run away. Will you ever dare coming to my blog site? Will you uh? Will you?? (In tamil - Mavane! Setha nee!) OK! end.

So guys, here is what i want to say - The third rule of writing is, never connect it with you. (lol) Fight club Rockkkss!!! \m/ 

Master's - the enlightenment (part 2)

Decisions, we all take. Whether they really prove to be effective, that is a question we answer after taking the decision. And so started my answering phase for the decision I've taken in my life - "To pursue Master's" - which has turned into quite a cliched expression I've been using in most of my letters of late.

One might have many a reason to yearn for a graduate degree abroad -  a real quench for knowledge in a particular field of interest, as a family status symbol that has to be kept up competing with the predecessor cousins who have done the same task, to do that one step ahead than the bride in the degree count, to have that one last chance of freedom in life at a place quite known or rather animated for the fun and frolic of the younger generation, as a hope for the career path after Bachelor's to steer into an interesting domain, etc., of which if your reason was not mentioned, you are welcome to include them too. But the point here is, we all have our reasons that might be big, small or moderate in other's eyes, yet it has become into something which drove us to this point in our lives.

The interesting perspective about this decision we have taken is the predicament that tags along with us. Starting from the reason we have for the decision taken - even if the reason is sillier, the first and foremost obligation is to make it look like a noble cause. This is truly a difficult task, when the person himself cannot connect anymore with the reason or finds the reason ridiculous and baseless. The predicament extends to the extent of coping to live without the first circle of family and friends, which is truly not an easy task; and having to show up a dignified existence where a subconscious thought of second class inhabitant constantly lingers in the heart.

Even with all of these negativeness and even more to be added along with them on the due course, we still manage to have some quotient of enjoyment in life, for freedom tastes sweet too sometimes. There are certain things which we wouldn't be trying out had it been that we were living with our parents in our home country. Activities that would have been considered unwise or threatening otherwise, shall be looked upon as a valuable experience to be gained, even by our hawk eyed parents. Thus becomes road trips, camping, sky diving & hiking a valid pastime for holidays and weekends to be looked up for. Night time walks and star gazing becomes recreational relaxation for the day.

On a cumulative note, Master's as a 2 year span of our life, would give an accomplished or unaccomplished feel, based on the way we would want to look at it. Right now when i turn back and see, it seems colorful to me.

Vastness

Its 4:55 pm at a land where sky brags its beauty year around. I lie down, staring through my window at the rustling tree branches, the intermittently gliding planes and hearing a song with its bgm like pelting rain. The sound of the rain and the bright sky outside somehow sink soothingly, drifting me into the other world. It is a world where time stands still, sky is orange, sun is half hidden, wind blows through the self and vastness of brown land lies spread in front, boundless. No sound, no movement, no life. Vaguely, a feeling - peaceful and eternal surges and settles within. To describe what exactly it means is difficult. Does it really mean peace or absence of life? I somehow find it impossible to question the reason behind such an imagination. Maybe this is one among those experiences you wouldn't want to resolve, afraid of losing its pure flavor, a unique one at that.

Or its the play of a strand of memory i have, of watching episodes on discovery channel about evolution of dinosaurs that stroll through such vast land with their necks long enough to make a setting sun seem like its creeping on the edge of the earth's horizon.

P.S.: Memories are dangerous! They can play you in unaccountable ways, when you least expect them to. :)

high above..

I shall be the lush leaf at the tip of the tree,
waving and rustling in the air
being able to see the far horizons
confident of touching the skies someday,
whilst never shall i wither!

I shall not live just for the duty of it.

The incomprehensible imaginations one gets of how one's life should turn out to be are to be looked with awe and admiration. While the insecurities we feel of our immediate future and surroundings make us - the humans, to be no more than to be pitied at. Each opportunity we miss in life thinking of it's possible adverse effects, blowing it up to disproportionate volume, that it even smudges the tinkers of happiness that it might have yielded had we pursued it; makes us seem to be vain little creatures. Where did we learn to distinguish darkness from light and good from bad?

Now, we a group of animals, we who scrounge for wealth and health, we who created machinery and literature, set standards and try to segregate and shut everything we feel and see into labelled little boxes. How could we have dared to do such a deed? Isn't it true that everything deserves to be treated equally for its own uniqueness? There can never exist a line to part everything into one and another. It is futile to try and calibrate everything, for the final reading one might ever get is the absolute one - the infinity!

PS: yes! the usual cliched ending :)

O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! My Captain!
So I want to scream
at the great gentleman who raised above
and told the truth to me.

I know him well of his crushes and sadness
for he is a simple man who accepts his madness

He told me to bother the pain caused by none
as he knew that the truth is only one.

When i cried and wailed
at the tempest of the evil harshness
at the cut-throat world causing bitterness
tumbling down to the spiraling hell,

There he stood patiently
waiting to absolve my sin of ignorance;

There he stood looking no likely to an angel
his dark skin and graying hair unlike any halo or wing.

Spoke my captain, that there is
nothing I shall not achieve
nothing I can grieve for
for when I set my heart, I can have it all!

No beauty I can be proud of
no wealth I can accumulate
for they all dwindle as time passes by.

Not a man's love so pure
not a friend's care so dear
for it is no better than peeling an onion to sheer.

Never a thirst of knowledge quenched
never an absolute power attained
for there is always something left as many as uncounted stars in the sky.

He said it all and said again
that there is only one truth I shall know
as long as the sands of time trickle
as long as there is a question unanswered,

It is for me to know that,
the truth behind everything is in the last,
the last of all - 'The Infinity'.

It is all infinite - laughter of happiness,
alluring pleasure, want of knowledge,
throat clutching sadness, unresistant power,
everlasting beauty, adventurous thrills
in the end all that is attained is worthless
compared to what is left to be attained yet.

My sin relieved, my conscience cleared,
O Captain! My Captain!
so shall I scream for you
for the infinite breath
each soul shall take
in the past, now and forever!

(As a mark of respect to Selvaganesan)
Priyadharshini Selvaganesan.

Law of photos.

This! i am writing because, my mind is just filled to its brim with Graduate course work and it is in desperate need of some dilutive. So here goes the vetti (for the meaning refer here. Quite a collection) analysis of the recently annoying yet interesting trend I've been observing off-late. PHOTOS!! PICS!!! Yes, the ones which are abundantly discharged in Facebook with innumerable album titles as equivalent to the number of friends one has. My postulates for not being interested in making a public statement of how do i look like are as follows -

• Law of piracy - However the Facebook may build brickwalled privacy protection policies, just like every other social networking sites, it too will have brilliant geeky hackers and spammers, who will make us quit or forget Facebook someday.
• Law of appa - When i collect and treasure my daughter's pictures even on her primary school ID cards, how can i be at peace on knowing that some random guy "liked" her picture on her Facebook wall.
• Law of equivalent exchange - If i put a profile picture and some 40+ people liked it, it indirectly means that i shall be entitled to like the pictures of those 40+ people however silly and mundane those pics might be, in order to sustain the number of likes for every rubbish post i update in future.
• Law of photoshop - If at all, i want to put a picture, i would have to crop, cut, contrast, brighten - do all the possible photoshop deeds to make it an outstanding profile picture, so that i'll be poured with likes and comments the instant i upload. This picture of mine would have only a 0.25 probability of having a resemblance of me (under predefined conditions such as tilted angle, properly slept non-black circle eyed face, etc) .
• Law of race - After the act of picture uploading, life becomes a race to keep up the rating for one self by keeping up the trend ( Such as - black & white photos, childhood photos, with a best friend photo, holiday trip photos, horizon BG photos and of many such likes). 

With all these delicacies added up to the fact that "if there occurs a picture perfect moment, my mind shall be more than glad to savor it better than any high resolution SLR camera, with the moment's purest essence, etched in my memory forever", I hope that i persist with my current perspective always in the future.

PS: Im just another hypocrite who justifies my laziness with abundant and random reasoning. So Free!! :P
Simple truth is - I just sense a feel of violation, when one's looks and likes are made public. After all wouldn't we like some privacy for ourselves?! :)

To write.

‘The first key to writing is to write, not to think!’ said the leading old actor in the film I just saw out of pure coincidence. The actor is Sean Connery. I’ve always liked him for his white hair, that gives this angelic appearance to him. When I write, I try to use some of the beautiful words that are not used in the mundane usage and end up searching in the wordweb for a sophisticated alter words using the thesaurus for a simple word. I’ve off late observed that the process of perfecting my writing in the nascent stage distracts my thought process while writing. And with this general analysis in my mind, when I came to see this one particular video clip from the movie “Finding Forrester”, I got inspired to write some bull shit and start enhancing my writing skills. Coming to think of it, I pity the people to whom I write this, as they get to read all these mumblings and ramblings. But I wouldn’t exactly empathize that feeling much because, it is of common knowledge that you actively chose to read it. So here I am penning my thoughts, while hearing this song, 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=7fXfOx1zA9Q

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky – they are much prettier when a kid points  it to you in a bus ride and you have nothing to do, but to join the kid, enjoy the moment and be happy for the beautiful dispersion of colors in the sky.

You know what I like the most? To be sitting alone comfortably, hearing a song, enjoying the music thoroughly, now and then really hearing the words, chanting them randomly.

What a wonderful world – Yes it absolutely is! Wide and clear sky, Planes flying in the distant far sometimes fooling the eye by appearing like a shining shooting star, Cold air breezing and making the chill being felt even in your deep gutter, sense of unboundedness of dreams and unquenchable pure confidence of the youth. Why wouldn’t the world be beautiful for me?! 

Masters – the enlightenment!

From the place I hail, doing a bachelorette has become like a pre-requiste high school studies and you just become another commoner with the basic knowledge of how to survive in this world. The choices for such young bachelors is to either find a job in a reputable company and work their way through the hierarchy of designations or write “n” number of entrance exams and enter into a - “The top 10 best college” (in truth- a middling average). And I, chose the later option! Simply because my Project Manager couldn’t comply with my petty whims like having breaks of 40 minutes other than the mundane lunch break & evening tea break.

And so started my phase of enlightenment in life! Am now at a less known part of USA (there was a friend who thought that Arizona was a part of Canada), studying a course which I think would be of no good to my career and trying the best at making edible enough food. Sometimes it occurs as a nightmare to think that the only knowledge I would have acquired during my Master’s would be the knowledge to cook for the world’s most damned male that I’m going to marry in future.

With all the uncertainness of what I’m doing at present and what the future holds for me, let us dwell deep into Theory of relativity and confute time dilation with the analysis of Doppler’s effect. I’m just kidding! I’ll give you an escapade from my intellections. Buhbye for now! Hope to be back with more random rantings..

out of the blue 2

Cont from out of the blue..
        Finally i did find a photocopying shop, gave my borrowed book for xerox and i was told to collect it after 2hrs. So i drew to house in the rain, maybe watched some tv show for 1.30 hrs & started back again. After reaching the shop, i found tat the guy in the shop didn't even start xeroxing (my contribution to english lang) & had to wait till he finished off with the one he was doing for the couple who were already present in the shop.   
        Here is where the interesting thing happens. U see, the couple came with their kid, a girl of 4 yrs old maybe. There were 2 seats in the waiting area. The man was looking over his documents getting xeroxed (another contribution), while the wife occupied one of the seats and i used the other one left. The kid was lounging near her mother, trying to best work her immature brain, by meddling with her fingers forming shapes. I was bored & trying to work my brain at the best too, yet afraid to try out things like the kid did. So, i made faces to the kid (not the scary ones, don't get afraid) in an attempt to grab her attention. Eventually, she succumbed and started laughing. Then we introduced ourselves to each other & i started inquiring her likes. She was enthused & described everything in detail (kids use their whole body to describe something usually- better body language, we could say). Her interest turned onto my mobile later & it was with great effort from her mother tat i was able to get it back from her . I got a call by then & so went out to attend to it. When i returned, the little girl was occupying my seat. On seeing me, she asked her mom to get up, so that i can have the seat beside her. It was thoroughly embarrassing for the girl's mother to observe her disloyalty. I kinda managed the situation saying tat i'll be able to play better with her, if she sits on my lap, for which she agreed. Then we played with all the things tat i had in my purse and passed another half an hour. By then, the kid got much friendly with me & spoke to me like i was her friend for years.
        The kids father, returned with his work being completed. Tats when the most unusual thing happened. The kid got down, put on her slippers, called her mother, took my helmet & called me too (in a matter of fact tone). The couple where drenched in embarrassment of the way she called me, like as if I've been living with her. Again, in order to be courteous, i had to do lots of false promises tat i'll surely come to her house some other day, but not now as i still have my book to be xeroxed yet. She said tat, being tat the case, she'll wait and come with me, whilst her parents who got their xerox work done can leave now & wore my helmet on her head diligently and gave an adorable stare. I had to reason out to her that i dont know the way to her house & somehow finally got my helmet back from her. I promised her that i'll buy lots of chocolates & come along with my parents to her house. She then gave in & started off with the promise tat i'll go and see her definitely. A bit of sadness was visible on her face, maybe she realized the impracticality of my visit to her house. I bid her farewell with a final note, tat she should never go out with a stranger or ask a stranger to come to her house hereafter. Her parents left with an acknowledging smile of the choice of friend their kid made.
        Though i knew tat the final note i gave to her was making me loose my cool to tat kid, i still had to tell her tat as i felt responsible in some way for the way she is going to be molded according to the world she lives in and i wanted her to be safe in this world too. I could say tat the friendship of less than an hour, i made tat day, to be the best one i could ever make in my whole life! Innocence is beauty!

out of the blue

It was a rainy sunday and my semester exams have started. Two exams successfuly finished & four more yet to conquer. 2 days later comes the third exam yet i have done no arrangement for the book to read. I called my neighborhood friend, mrids and asked if i could borrow her book for half a day. She reluctantly agreed and made it clear that she needed her book before 8 pm that day. I was grateful of her to help me at the penultimate time of the exam. Took an umbrella and got the book from her. Now remains the great task of taking xerox. Called my bro and waited for him to come. 2 hrs passed, no sign of him. Frustrated and urged to show my independence, took the Aviator and drove to hunt for a xerox shop. Two shops were closed and when i eagerly entered the third open one, the shop owner disappointed me with his "temporarily out of service" - xerox machine. I made up my mind to include even xerox machines in the "cant be used when needed item list" - viz., public telephone, crazy fun rides at amusement parks, bsnl broadband, etc.

                                                                                    -unlike the rest, this will be surely continued!!

A man in his mid 40's

I boarded the bus as usual at my bus stop, got into a 15G that was moderately filled. After a couple of stops, a man in his mid 40's also boarded the same bus as mine. On the call of the conductor's trade mark "Ulla po!" (meaning "Go inside"), he must have landed behind the place where i was standing, after a series of nudges and pushes. There wasn't much place at the gent's standing side when compared to the ladies'. Hence he used the handle bar by my side for the grip. After a couple of minutes, i realized that he was starring at me. Initially i was getting irritated and made sure that my bag kept the safe distance from him. But later i realized that his age and appearance was substantial enough to oppose such thoughts. I reasoned myself out, that he must have lost a daughter who was a look alike of me or some other disaster must have happened in his life, that which is related to my appearance. I pitied on him, of the torments that he must have experienced and also made sure that he had enough space to stand comfortably. Eventually i got a seat to sit & he got his too.
At the Central bus stop, the man boarded off the bus. There came the climax of the story. He got down the bus, came adjacent to the window where i was sitting, reached for his pant rear pocket, took out a pocket comb, styled his hair hurriedly and and gave a look at me. I was surprised at his unexpected act, felt disgusting and did the best at controlling my laughter on the folly i did. As the bus moved on, i felt a bit stupid to have such poor judging skills, yet also felt pathetically funny of the whole incident.
I really do hope, that some day, the world turns into a place how i imagine it to be.

PRIDE

It was around 5 pm when i returned from my office. The long hectic travel of two and a half hours sitting on the hardened cushions of Metropolitan buses, made me feel an instant craving for my ever comfy couch at home.
In order to reach my house from the bus stop, i have to cross a main road and walk through a street. Usually i become fidgety during the process of crossing roads because of the thought that a wrong step taken once, can cause disasters within a fraction of second. So i usually stand at the road side patiently, till i build up my confidence to boldly cross the road and also till the traffic clears up substantially. Or rather, mostly during the long time interval i wait at the road sides, somebody else would have already started crossing it & i would hopelessly tail them to reach the other end of the road.
On that particular day, there seemed nobody to accompany me to cross the road. Hence after the usual long patient struggle, i crossed the first half of the main road. While i was standing at the mid section of the road, i felt like somebody was following me. Then i noticed, that there were two kids (a four year old girl and a five year old boy - based on my evaluations), anxious to keep tag with me to safely cross the road.
I was pleasantly taken aback by the thought that i was considered as a reliable grown-up. A bit of pride crept into my senses. With all the happiness that accompanies a responsibility of an adult, i crossed the other half of the road boldly, guiding the two children with me. I also made sure that i matched the speed of their tiny steps while crossing the road. All my weariness of the long distance travel disappeared leaving no shadow of it.
As usual, my illogical sense of greed popped up and made me turn back to look for any other people to aid in crossing the road back again. At the right time, my common sense also raced in and made me realize my stupidity of wanting more pride at matter as silly as this.
P.S.: I write this post at the request of my friend, to whom i narrated this incident.